Recap: I was asked to write to a fellow I'll be referring to as Cess Pool by my grandmother. The reason was that he was in prison and had asked her to help him find Christian pen-pals. Cess and I began corresponding.
After a couple of months, Cess and I were writing at least once a week, but usually two to three times a week. Then came a shocker...he sent me a photo of himself --- handsome, bright smile --- and he asked me if I would ever consider him as a boyfriend.
Mentally and emotionally I came to a dead stop. I had not dated in high school or college... I'd always felt out of step with my classmates in high school and although I'm naturally friendly, I'm also very comfortable being by myself. In college, I had a bunch of friends but was more focused on studio work. This "offer" floored me.
I hadn't seen it coming, I'd been isolated to the house by my arthritis for nearly two years, and I wasn't adept at "dating games" anyway. Cess had assessed my vulnerabilities and hit me just where I was most vulnerable.
Not that I knew it at the time....
I showed the letter to my mom and asked her opinion. She was thrilled. I think she was happy to see a "Christian" man taking a romantic interest in her tomboyish and in-pain daughter. We agreed that I should pray about it before making a decision, though.
I was doing well enough that I was able to walk down the road a bit, toward the places I had always found refuge, peace, and spiritual connection before. I wasn't able to get to them (as they were in the woods surrounding the road), but just being outside and having the trees to either side of me was wonderful after so long inside.
I prayed that God would guide me, then listened. I tried to let everything empty out of myself, but found that hard to do with a sense of burgeoning excitement that someone had found me --- ugly duckling me! --- attractive.
I tried again to get my emotions to tamp down, but they only clamored more. It increasingly felt right. After about an hour, I had reached a decision to tell Cess I was interested, but that we still needed to know each other better.
Cess' first big play had been successful.
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